


The First of April

by LemonBubble



Series: NVTR Fics [2]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Episode Style, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-03
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:22:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LemonBubble/pseuds/LemonBubble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Night Vale, things get <i>weird</i> for April Fool's day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First of April

**Author's Note:**

> Night Vale Town Riot, Prompt 2 - Holidays (April Fool's Day)

All things in life are an illusion, but even an illusion has rules. We assume. No one ever actually told us the rules. Welcome to Night Vale.

Listeners, that time of year is upon us again. The First of April.

This day is considered by many to be the safest day of the year, which is generally true, but it always pays to be cautious. Things tend to act unpredictably on the First of April. For example, did you know that objects dropped today will always fall _down_? This is in clear violation of the otherwise constant 30% falling upwards rate that we see for the rest of the year. Scientists tell us that down is, apparently, the normal direction for objects to fall, but if that were true why does it only happen once a year? We here at the station have agreed that it is because, as previously stated by the Sheriff’s Secret Police, scientists are comedians. Other oddities of the First of April include that the sky is always blue, the post office is staffed by humans, and we are even getting reports that the Whispering Forest has fallen silent. So be careful out there because, it seems, nothing is going to harm you.

-

And now, traffic.

The roads are looking clear and smooth today. So clear. So very, very clear. The roads are transparent, cars appear to be hovering several inches above dirt and sand that looks no different from the dirt and sand all around it, except that we know that’s where the road is supposed-

Wait. This is tomorrow’s traffic report.

Today, cars move on wheels on tarmac. No one is being forced to stop for life changing epiphanies. There are no inexplicable holes in the road, as there usually are on a Tuesday. There is, in fact, nothing of interest to say about traffic today.

Hm.

-

In other news, we are getting reports from citizens recently returned from a trip to the library. They say that it’s quite pleasant in there and that the librarians were friendly and helpful and, also, no one died. This disturbing information goes against everything we know about public libraries. The City Council has issued a statement saying that this is only to be expected as it _is_ the first of April, and reassures us that it is probably a trick by the librarians to lure in unsuspecting book lovers. Librarians are usually not intelligent enough to think of such a ruse, but you never can be sure, especially not today. However, it is always important to weed out anyone claims to love books, as these people are often dangerous and unpredictable.

-

Let us now take a look at financial news.

_[four minutes of water running and birds cawing]_

This has been financial news.

-

Listeners, we would like to take this time to remind you not to approach the Dog Park. We have been getting reports that the towering obsidian walls have vanished and it appears to be just another park. Some even claim to have seen dogs in it.

…

Oh come _on_ , this is ridiculous. There is no way there are any _dogs_ in the Dog Park. Who ever heard of there being dogs in a Dog Park? There is obviously _something_ going on today. Maybe this is all another mass hallucination. Whatever is happening, I recommend staying in your homes until it passes. Do not go outside. Do not leave your own rooms. Do not even open your eyes. The entire world has gone mad and our only chance of surviving is to wait and hope.

With that, listeners, let us go to [the weather.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXwiUt8Qx2I)

-

Well, listeners, this unpredictability that has afflicted the town shows no signs of stopping. Even as the sun sets we are still getting nonsense reports claiming that the house that doesn’t exist is existing, and the obelisk that only attracts cats has attracted no cats all day. We can only hope that this madness will stop soon.

Stay tuned next for… oh _no_. A count down of the top 40 current most popular songs. It looks like even we, here at the station, are not immune to the strange effects of the First of April.

I wish you luck in getting through the rest of this strange and menacing day, and, as always, I wish you good night, Night Vale.

Good night.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm trying not to edit these too much as I post them, but this one definitely could have been better. I think I got a lot better at the episode format over the course of the Riot.
> 
> Though I do like the financial news section though.


End file.
